I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
