I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
