i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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