I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
