Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
