I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
