Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
