How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
