she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
