I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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