I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
