she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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