turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize