My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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