That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
