You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's always time for handjobs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
