I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
