Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
