i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
