You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
