Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
