im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
there is glitter all over my balls
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