Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
