getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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