Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize