you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
