I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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