So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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