dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
