if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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