I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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