just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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