May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
