dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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