I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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