he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
