this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
