No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
