you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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