My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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