I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
