Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
