he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
