i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
