coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
