His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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