Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
