Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
