So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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