Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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