we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there is glitter all over my balls
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