great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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