The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
