Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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