Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
