I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
