Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
