my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
