i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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