Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
