This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
